I know you don't like to hear this, but happy b day bro
You are now formally a man. I honor you with your tale of achievement, which is to be handed down for future generations at the oracle.Jorik, the head priest, shall be in charge of dispersing this grand tale to all corners of the kingdom.
Some 18 years ago, Zeus came down from the heavens to inseminate a beautiful damsel in distress. As the great Demigod Vanquinius was born, his parents would only feed the Demi-god wine and whiskey to strengthen his resolve. Vanquinius was actually given to the young demigod as a pussified version of his would-be name vanquish. His father Zeus will only give him his destined name upon reaching manhood, by defeating the evil tyrant and sorcerer DamDamVanquinius explored the four corners of the world, sailing on his ship 5ping. He had Hephaestus himself forge his weapons from his famous steel workshop, producing a series of weapons, which included his gladius, kana, and his shieldQuiCK. With a whole Host(a) of weapons available to his disposal, Vanquinius then traveled to Mystered Island, which was an island inhabited by xeginas, little disgusting ape-like creatures who were infamous for having 3 ballsacks and being quite stinky. Mystered Island was actually quite smelly, as the xeginas on the island would constantly fart, due to their unstable gastric qualities, and high methane content. Vanquinius slayed these xeginas one by one, soaking in the carnage of their flesh and blood, until eventually he came across one of the most fearsome creature on the island, the iDanisaur. The creature resembled a red and white t-Rex, and had razor sharp teeth and claws. The creature bit and swiped at the young Vanquinius, but alas, he was no match for the young demigod, who quickly dodged a swipe from a few razor claws, and struck his kana in the butthole, stretching it far and wide, and causing the organs and lifeblood of the defeated iDanisaur to come gushing out. Tired, yet victorious, Vanquinius then went to the street vendors of Mystered Island, where he met the pizza fucker Homer-J. After being generously fed by the Homer, Vanquinius then proceeded to the castle where he knew his arch enemy DamDam was waiting. As he eventually reached the gates, DamDam's most loyal servant the Martinator appeared in front of Vanquinius, beckoning him to a duel. The crowd screamed, "Hail Martinator", as the 2 men drew their swords and lunged at each other. The fight was long and tiresome, but eventually Vanquinius defeated the Martinator, although it was with great difficulty. Vanquinius then proceeded up the stairs, where he finally challenged the great Sorcerer DamDam to a duel. DamDam was a great black wizard, with a great skill in black magic. He shot a chain of lightning at Vanquinius, but Vanquinius ducked, just in time, falling to his left, as he pulled out his throwing knife, tiesto. He simultaneously threw histiesto at the great DamDam, and as the blade reached the jugular of the dark wizard, a bowling scream was heard, so great, that all the cities of the great kingdom rejoiced. The sorcerer was defeated, and Vanquinius successfully liberated Mystered Island. Little to Vanquinius's surprise, DamDam kept many bitches in his private Harlem and chambers, with the most beautiful of all being the goddess Calypso. Calypso fell instantly in love with the great Vanquinius, after viewing his immaculate frame, glistening in the pacific sun. Vanquinius made Calypso his bitch, married her, and fucked her brains out every night, and the two were destined to live happily ever after.
Today, Zeus has honored the great Vanquinius by giving him his fitting name, Vanquish, in the hopes that his capable son would vanquish all potential threats to the magnificent RC Kingdom.
As I was ordered to inscribe the details of events from Zeus himself, I now leave a tale for future generations in RC, and pray to god for the success of our beloved Vanquish, not only for this year, but for all years to come.
"The chess-board is the world; the pieces are the phenomena of the universe; the rules of the game are what we call the laws of nature. The player on the other side is hidden from us. We know that his play is always fair, and patient. But also we know, to our cost, that he never overlooks a mistake, or makes the smallest allowance for ignorance." 〜Thomas Henry Huxley
aaaaand Pyras wins the internet for the amount of effort that went into such an epic tale of heroism and the inclusion of rC members' names. simply amazing
Rising Cubers
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Sat Aug 30, 2014 11:54 am (Last edited: Sat Aug 30, 2014 5:45 pm)
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